Rebuilding Connection: The Power of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
By Sam Wasfi, LMFT | Better Life Psychology
When couples walk into my office, one of the most common things I hear is:
"We love each other, but we feel distant. How did we get here?"
Feeling disconnected in a relationship isn’t just about communication—it’s about emotional safety. Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), has shown that strong relationships are built on emotional security. When partners don’t feel safe turning toward each other for support, they start drifting apart.
If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about why emotional safety matters and how we can rebuild that connection.
Why Emotional Connection is the Foundation of Love
Through decades of research, Sue Johnson found that all people—no matter their background—have the same core needs in relationships:
🔹 “Are you there for me?” (Emotional Availability)
🔹 “Can I count on you?” (Reliability & Trust)
🔹 “Do you care about how I feel?” (Emotional Responsiveness)
When these needs aren’t met, partners start feeling isolated, leading to cycles of conflict or emotional withdrawal.
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Helps
EFT focuses on rebuilding emotional safety so couples can reconnect. The process involves three key steps:
Identifying Negative Patterns
Every couple has an argument cycle. One partner might pursue and demand connection while the other withdraws to avoid conflict. EFT helps couples recognize these patterns instead of blaming each other.
Creating Emotional Safety
Instead of reacting defensively, EFT helps partners express vulnerable emotions (e.g., “I feel unimportant when you don’t respond to my texts” instead of “You never text me back!”).
Strengthening Secure Bonds
The final step is practicing new ways to connect—offering reassurance, being emotionally present, and responding to each other’s needs with care.
Small Steps You Can Take Today
💡 Practice Open Conversations – Try using phrases like “I need to feel close to you” instead of “You never listen to me.”
💡 Create a Daily Check-In Ritual – Spend 10 minutes each day sharing one positive thing about your partner and one emotional need you have.
💡 Seek Support When Needed – If emotional wounds run deep, therapy can provide a safe space to rebuild trust.
Final Thoughts
Love isn’t just about communication techniques—it’s about emotional safety. Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples move past conflict and reconnect at a deeper level. If you and your partner are feeling stuck, I’m here to help.
Ready to rebuild your connection? Let’s talk.